Here are the top ten things that surprised me about ageing:

  1. Flirting
    I can get away with flirting, challenging, questioning, laying boundaries, being cheeky and giving compliments like I’d never imagined! I wonder whether it’s my tone, my attitude, or that I’m no longer seen as a horny young man just trying to get a leg over, or whether it’s my new found mature confidence. Whatever it is, I love it! I make eye contact, lower my voice, take my time, tilt my head downwards slightly while my eyeballs look up, and I raise an eyebrow – it works a treat!

    Tip: Take a breath, take a chance, hold the space and play – lovingly.

  2. Flossing
    I thought my flossing technique had improved because I could feel more between my teeth. It turned out to be receding gums!

    Tip: Take care of your gums and teeth, and go to the dentist to check for gum disease. Floss and brush twice a day and if you smoke – stop it!

  3. Seeing
    I thought my laser eye surgery would last forever! I was told that I might have to wear reading glasses after the age of forty 40, but I thought, “Pah, that’s for old people!” Now, at the age of 51, I have reading glasses and distance glasses!

    Tip: Regular check-ins with the optician and again, if you smoke – stop it!
  4. Eating
    Growing older doesn’t mean looking older! I’ve been on a GAPS (gut and psychology syndrome) diet for a couple of years. I started on the diet to support my wife, who was trying it in the hope it would help with her psoriasis. But the diet has given me a new lease of life and a lean body I never thought I’d have in this lifetime – with little exercise. On a good day, I look like I’m in my late 30s, and I’ve never felt so good in my skin.

    Tip: Invest the time, money and discipline in a good nutritional plan that suits your body and works with your lifestyle. Remove temptation from the environment, and see how easy it gets!
  5. Moving
    It saddens me to see how lazy so many men in my life have become. They give themselves permission to grow a pot belly, a lard arse and do the old man shuffle.

    Tip: Stretch, move, lift, dance, walk and whenever you can skip! (Not necessarily with a rope, but down a corridor, preferably holding the hand of the person you love.)
  6. Sexing
    What a relief that my dick no longer owns me and runs my life! I had no idea how horny my life has been until my libido dropped to normal. I have a whole new relationship with ‘Trevor’ (named by an ex after Trevor Horn), and we happily work in partnership now, slowly exploring sensuality rather than manically managing madness.

    Tip: Accept and love one another, without being possessed, obsessed or fearful. It’s just a dick, and you don’t have to be one!
  7. Leaking
    When I first felt that wetness was about to leak out of my todger as I sat down, was a truly horrible feeling. Good old fashioned male denial partnered up with paranoia for a while, before I spoke about it and realised how many men live with this. I didn’t want a female doctor sticking her finger up me (even though women do have smaller fingers than men), so I found a male doctor (with small hands) who checked me out. He told me that it’s normal for the prostrate to get enlarged, and that mine was fine because it wasn’t hard or bumpy.

    Tip: Read all about prostate cancer, find a GP with small hands, get the facts and deal with it! My wife gives me natural ‘saw palmetto’ pills – human washer to avoid an otherwise leaky tap.
  8. Greying
    Chicks dig greying hair! I had no idea how much women seem to love ‘salt and pepper’; not just the middle-aged and older women, but the younger ones too! How can this be? Last summer the crown of my head fed some passing mossies, which is when I realized that it’s thinning. Bummer!

    Tip: If it gets thin, cut it short. If it’s really an issue, there are pills for that, though at the cost of erections. Maybe shave it all off?
  9. Shrinking
    Talking of keeping it short, I think I’ve shrunk! Apparently, it happens to many men. It happened to my favourite Uncle Benny, so I guess it’s normal that it’s happened to me. Not much, but as some might say, every inch counts. I was a little bummed out by this, though not as bummed out as when ‘Newsweek’ called me ‘petite’! I’ve no problem standing on my toes and stretching to hug my male friends, but I don’t like doing that with women, and I certainly don’t like them stooping down to hug me.

    Tip: Wear boots with heels, or get over the boots with heels and accept it, and allow yourself to take space with who you are rather than how tall you are.
  10. Growing
    I’ve got new best friends! Men seem to follow their work or their women, and then find they’ve undervalued their friends and taken them for granted. Then children come along and the parents of your children’s friends are often convenient second-rate company. I’ve lost friends through all of the above, and also because we outgrew each other, moved away, or our lives just went in different directions. As I’ve accepted my more feminine, collaborative masculine maturity, my relationships with other men have deepened, and I’ve attracted more authentic men into my life. It’s not about their age, but more based on stage, attitude, values and fun!

    Tip: Let go of your baggage: emotional, historical, physical and mental, making space to be met in the present with purity of heart and space to be love.

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