Men's Groups

check-in round

. We sit in a circle with a flame in the middle of us.

. We discuss / agree to the Ground Rules.

. Two minutes silence follows to tune us out of our days and into the room.

. The first man introduces himself with this Check-in round, responding to any / all of the following:


1. “My name is…”

2. “I feel…”

3. “What I want from this evening is…”

4. “My age is… / My Chinese sign is… / My Western sign is…”

5. “I am single / with a partner / married / divorced / a widow /a player / on the market / a father / other…”

6. “My sexuality is…”

7. “My favourite piece of clothing / label / gadget is…”

8. “The last time I ejaculated is…”

9. “My greatest fear, right now is…”

10. “I hate…”

11. “I love…”

12. “I am…”


The questions moves on to the man to his left, and so forth, returning to anyone who chose to say “Pass” should they be ready to speak at the end of this Check-in Round.

Now the floor is open to whatever is in the room. I like to address stated needs and live issues in the room first, if the men agree.

Beyond working with personal needs, I have a bag of questions that are chosen ‘blind’ and answered by all in the circle, opening up our sharing of experiences. Men sometimes hi-jack a question with issues at play in their lives, which is all well and good. We don’t time men and we are all responsible for sharing the space and meeting our collective needs. (Some groups choose to allocate time-slots, which can also work)

To ‘check out’ at the end of a group, we often go around the circle stating a word or two to name how we feel at the end of our time together. Then we have two minutes silence to tune us out of our circle and prepare us for our journeys on.



Feel free to copy, distribute and use this document as you wish, referencing © Kenny Mammarella-D’Cruz “The Man Whisperer” (Newsweek) as the source and please tell me where you’ve used it with a link.

The smallest group I’ve run is two (including me) and the largest just over 100 (including me). My ideal number is seven. Nine max, saying that a dozen has worked well too depending on the individual men in the room and the time available. 

My groups run for 2-2 1/2 hours, or a half to full day if it’s a training group so we have time to debrief and discuss afterwards.

Kenny Mammarella-D'Cruz


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